Haven Mentor guide
Boundary & Word Coach
For hard conversations, conflict, and boundaries. The goal is to set boundaries where it’s hard, and find the exact words.
These articles are about the conversations people put off: what actually makes something a boundary, how to say no without over-explaining, and how to tell someone they hurt you without it turning into a fight.
Articles
What actually makes something a boundary (and what doesn’t)
A boundary that depends on someone else agreeing to it was never a boundary. Here’s the one-question test that tells the difference.
How to say no without over-explaining yourself
An explanation is an argument, and an argument has two sides. Every reason you hand someone for a "no" is something they can address — which is exactly why the no disappears.
How to tell someone they hurt you (without it turning into a fight)
You have written the text and deleted it. You have run the whole conversation in the shower and won it every time. The version that actually works is shorter and less impressive than any of the drafts.
Also useful with the Boundary & Word Coach
How to vent without burdening your friends
You have something to say and nowhere to put it, because you have leaned on the same friend one too many times. Here is how to get the pressure down without keeping score.
Anger you cannot do anything with
Anger is built for action, which is exactly the problem when there is no action available.
Replaying a conversation for the fifth time
The fifth run through the conversation is not analysis. It is a loop that has found somewhere warm to live.