Together
A conversation between the two of you, with a coach in the middle. One of you opens it and sends the other a link. You take turns. It will not tell you who is right.
What it actually is
Most of Haven is one person thinking out loud. Together is the exception: two people in the same conversation, with a coach that takes turns between you and asks the next honest question.
Either of you can also step aside and talk to the coach on your own, inside the same conversation. What you say there stays there — neither of you ever sees what the other one said privately. That is the whole shape of it: a shared thread you both read, and a private side each that the other never does.
Opening one takes about four minutes. What it is worth doing first is the ten minutes of agreeing what you are about to do — that is a separate piece, and it is the difference between a useful hour and the argument you already have with something else in the room: what to agree on before you open one.
What each of you needs
Both people need a paid plan. This is the part worth knowing before you send anyone a link, because the link will not work for someone on a free account.
| Plan | Join a conversation | Open a conversation |
|---|---|---|
| Free trial | No | No |
| Pro — $25/month | Yes, any time | Only in its first 30 days |
| Plus — $50/month | Yes, any time | Yes, any time |
| Max — $100/month | Yes, any time | Yes, any time |
The asymmetry is deliberate. The person opening the conversation is the one buying the feature; the second person is usually someone being brought along — often a partner who has never used Haven and is being asked to subscribe to something they did not choose. Requiring the top plan of both of them meant paying for something you could not actually use unless you also talked someone else into it.
Everyone in a Together conversation must be 18 or over.
If you are on Pro, read this part
Pro can open Together conversations for 30 days, counted from the first link the account ever creates — not from each conversation. After those 30 days:
- You can still join any conversation someone shares with you, indefinitely.
- You can no longer open new ones.
- The conversations you already opened stop accepting new messages. This is the part people are most likely to be caught by: a thread you and the other person have been using goes read-only.
- Your private side of those conversations keeps working, and so does the crisis path. A closed conversation is a paywall, and a paywall is never allowed to stand between someone and help.
Upgrading to Plus reopens them. We would rather you knew that on day one than found it out on day 31, mid-conversation.
Pro also gets its first 30 days in a conversation at 25% off the usage it costs — messages in a Together conversation are metered at three quarters of the normal rate. That window is anchored to the first conversation the account ever joined, so leaving and rejoining does not restart it.
What it will not do
It is worth knowing the edges before you sit down, because most disappointment with a thing like this comes from expecting one of the jobs it does not do.
- It will not tell you who is right. There is no verdict at the end. If a ruling is what you want, you will not get one.
- It is not couples therapy. Nobody is licensed, nothing is assessed, no treatment happens, and it does not carry the legal confidentiality a therapist's room does.
- It cannot make somebody take part. Two people in a conversation, one of whom is there because it was easier than saying no, produces an hour of performance.
- It cannot see you. No faces, no tone, no idea that one of you has gone still. Everything it has, you typed.
- It will not decide whether you stay together. That is the correct answer, not a limitation being apologised for.
The longer version, including when a real couples therapist is the better call, is here: what a shared conversation will not do.
When this is the wrong place entirely
This part matters more than the rest of the page, so it is not buried at the bottom of anything.
If there is fear, control, or coercion in your relationship — if you are afraid of the other person, if you are being monitored or isolated or threatened, if you have been hurt or think you could be — then a shared conversation with them is not safe, and nothing in it will be safe to say. "Sit down and talk it through" is the advice most often given to people in exactly this situation, and it is the wrong advice for it.
In the United States the National Domestic Violence Hotline is free and answers around the clock on 1-800-799-7233, and you can text START to 88788. They talk to a great many people who are not sure whether their situation counts — which is the most common reason people put off calling.
It is also the wrong place if one of you is being pressured into it. A conversation somebody agreed to because refusing was not really available is not a conversation, whatever it looks like from outside.
A few smaller things
- Leaving is visible. If you close a conversation, a line saying you stepped away is added to the shared thread. The other person will see that you left.
- A connected therapist sees nothing. If your account is connected to a therapist, a Together conversation is invisible to them — they are not shown it and are not told it exists.
- Support lines are always one tap away inside a conversation, and they open in a new tab on purpose, so reaching for help never announces itself to the other person.